What is Emotional Sub Drop?
I have written before about BDSM Terminology like sub drop. I focused especially on looking at the physical changes the body goes through after an intense BDSM Scene. So how is emotional sub drop different? I think that once aftercare is done, and people return to their regular lives, many submissives suffer in silence! That emotional high they were on crashes and burns, and they are left alone to figure out what to do, or even what is wrong. Emotional sub drop can be very overwhelming! And for some submissives depending on the intensity and length of the scene, it can last even up to a week or more after a longer, harder, more intense play session.
Connect – Connection is HUGE in scene and out. That trust and intimacy during a BDSM scene can be totally absent in vanilla life. Find ways to connect. Social media, email, IMs, chats, special assignments, even talking. Keep the connection available and open.
Contact – This should happen with immediate aftercare after the scene. Also, it should follow days after, every day if needed. A check in plan can help a submissive to get contact, feel connected, and come out of sub drop faster!
Caring – To stop emotional sub drop, ending the scene positively is best. Positive reinforcement, compliments, what you liked best about the scene, reinforcing good behavior should be done by the Domme. Check in and give extended after care as needed.
Communication above all
If you are feeling down, ashamed, guilty, or simply awful after soaring in subspace during your hot scene, you NEED to get in touch with your Domme. If she checks in and you are on the ground weeping, but you say, “I’m fine!!” because you think that is what she wants to hear, DON’T DO THAT! Both parties must have open and honest communication!
Tune in for my next post when I will talk about Sub Drop Kits!
Play healthy!
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Thank You, Mistress Delia for bringing this issue to the community. As You know, I have suffered from many of the complex feelings associated with sub drop. Though it can happen during a session, I often experience an emotional roller coaster of emotions that I don’t handle well after a session is over. The delayed response is very lonely; sometimes anxious; sometimes intensely guilty; and in the process, I’ve reacted in ways that I regret. I thankful for the caring way You, Mistress Amber and others at LDW have helped me through those times. I hope this article helps others recognize these feelings when they come on.
Absolutely fascinating Empress Delia. it had never heard of such a thing but can definitely relate to the experience. LOVE learning about the psychology behind the various aspects of O/our scene. Thank You for this excellent educational post!
What a great blog post, Ms. Delia! It’s so important to practice the three Cs. And I cannot say it enough, being a Domme is an honor and we want to honor and care for our submissives, not exactly in the same way they honor and care for us, but in our own way, as their Mistresses. Very important blog post. Thank you!
AMAZING POST! Thank you for your depth of knowledge and your post from a space of compassion. This is the path to health in our world of kink.
Thanks, dick breath!!
Kink certainly is the way!!! 🙂 I am also very compassionate about subdrop. It does suck.
Thanks, Ms. Courtney!
I agree with you that a Domme MUST care for her submissives!!
Thank you, it.
I hope you learned about subdrop!
Thanks for your comment, Bill!
I know you feel sub drop from time to time, and have experienced that with you. I am glad Ms. Amber and I are helping you!
Great article. I experience subdrop two to three days after a scene with my Dominant. The aftercare is always exactly what I need but the drop still happens. I get through it with his help but it’s never pretty. I always feel like picking an argument with him but he has done everything right. At least being aware now when it happens, we can put steps in place to minimise it.