Do You Have A Small Penis?

Is There An Upside To Being Hung Like An Elf?

My favorite SPH slut, Kevin, contacted me the other day, and we had quite the discussion about if there is any upside to having a micro-penis.  Well, we did come up with some stuff, and I want to provide what I’m sure is some very needed moral support to our precious small penis “havers.”  Read on if you “have” one. (hmm, we have “showers”, we have “growers”, I think I’m going to add “havers” to the mix!) I think that there are clear positives to having a micro penis.

The Top 8 Positives to Being Hung Like A Hummingbird

I know, usually it’s a top 10, but I couldn’t come up with 10 reasons – it was a stretch coming up with 8!

Number 8 Small Penis Pros

No need to be concerned about getting an ill-timed erection that would cause embarrassment in mixed company – because no one’s going to notice!

Number 7 Small Penis Pros

It takes the pressure off of sex.  As a male of small penis, your primary sex outlet will be with your right hand . . . unless, that is, if you’re a lefty.  There is little performance anxiety when you’re alone in bed or your masturbatorium.  When you fly solo, do you think your hand going to be disappointed if the “sex” doesn’t satisfy?

Number 6 Small Penis Pros

You get to walk around–fully clothed, mind you–among an unaware and uncaring public while hiding that deep, dark secret, a secret that only you (and a few amused women) know.

Number 5 Small Penis Pros

When a woman gets an, “ahem”, eyeful of your penis for the first time (which likely will ALSO BE THE LAST time that she does), you are treated to a priceless reaction, including her bewilderment, consternation, and a snicker that, if she’s not careful (or doesn’t care), turns into a fit of laughter.  What makes her reaction delicious?  Well, it’s spontaneous, involuntary, extreme and honest, because after all, she was hoping for so much more!

Number 4 Small Penis Pros

As one who doesn’t “pack too well,” you DO get the attention of women,  Many women have had one or two encounters of a “mini” kind, and we share–and compare–our stories with each other, out of your ear shot.  Just know that we have conversations about you pindicks.  All.  The.  Time.

Number 3 Small Penis Pros

Then, of course, because you are pint sized, you enjoy the attention of women who are eager to make light of that which disqualifies you from partnered sex. Any attention is good attention, right?

Number 2 Small Penis Pros

A man of dubious manhood must prove himself in ways other than lovemaking.  This motivates him to somehow distinguish himself, which usually translates into success . . . non-sexual of course.  So what, small fry, if your below the belt bulge is misplaced in the back rather than the front?  You can use that fat wallet to call LDW and confess that you have a teeny tiny tadpole!

And the number 1 reason having a small penis is a good thing…

  1. It makes small penis humiliation so much easier, fun, and real.  LOL.


Now Mr. Dinky Dick, don’t despair about that little turtle of yours.  No need to be jealous of your more charmed brethren who are sized normally.  DON’T dwell on the fact that you’re saddled with a curse that prevents you from saddling up with that hot flirt next door.  Turn that truncated misfortune of yours around.  The true positive of owning a centimeter peter is that your little “little guy” has made you who you are.

Because you are hung like a field mouse, you must be super attentive to a women’s desires and needs.  Your station in life has made you polite and, well, an all-around beta male.  You expect to come in second and acquiesce to the alpha males.  That’s your personality.  Dick up, man!  Celebrate that two-inch grinch.  We girls need someone to do the housework, to be the designated driver, and to do all the great things that you do, all the while possessing a one-inch destroyer.  A heartfelt thank you and shout out from us at The Enchantrix Empire to all you refined men packing light down there.  We do appreciate the SMALL things in life, like your penis.