For All The Stroke-a-holics

Dedicated Chronic Masturbator

Are you a dedicated penis pumper?  A jerkaholic?  Be true to your hand, Mr. Masturbator – Just Say NO To PUSSY! Your fidelity to your hand is admirable: Resist pussy!

Please follow this important rule about masturbation.  Don’t do it alone.  Jack off in front of a dominatrix.  Please begin to masturbate!  Would you do that for me, huh?  Please?  Pretty please, lover boy?

C’mon, strut your stuff for me; go ahead, make a spectacle of yourself. You, know, you really have masturbation well in hand. You lust for me, don’t you? For what’s between my legs.  Well, NO.  NONE FOR YOU.

Masturbate instead. Just masturbate.  Only masturbate.

Addicted Stroker Mantras

Do you see any Jerk Off Fuel around here?

“A day without masturbation is a day wasted.”

“Show me how much you love that beautiful hand of yours.”

Resisting masturbation is futile . . . unproductive . . . impractical . . . . and frankly, awful.”

By masturbating, you are committing a crime upon yourself: the act is a defilement and dishonorable.

You Are A Solo Sexual

Porn caught your eye.  And you fucking loved it.  You have crossed the point of no return.

You are now a pornosexual gooner.  Keep stroking.  Masturbation is sex for one.

You, sir, are a solo sexual; that’s because masturbation is your sex life.  It’s normal to masturbate hours on end.

Be normal.  You’re a stroke addict.  A little, mere fist fucker.  You know, we’ve been thinking about this backward: it’s your HAND that needs your PENIS, not the other way around.