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Sorry, You Aren’t Getting Any From Me, Part 1

Perhaps your 2018 Resolution is to have actual sex. Being a solo sexual, maybe you want to really see what the buzz is all about. 20 reasons why I will not allow you to fuck me.  You are simply not part of the sample size of men who are allowed entrance to my meat silo:


  1. Well, baby doll, it’s against LDW policy . . . . and I’m a compliant girl.
  2. You have a small dick, you know, a small, useless, and pathetic dick.
  3. I’m married.
  4. I get more than enough sex, thank you.  No need to be dissatisfied with your inadequate dick.
  5. I think it’s funny that you are consigned to a life of masturbation: you only get solo sex, which matches nicely with your equipment; what a coincidence!


  1. Keeping you out-of-your-mind frustrated is fun for me.  Funny too, don’t ya think?
  2. Well, secretly you want only to masturbate BEFORE me and TO me, not fuck me; you truly, ardently, and literally love to masturbate; in your perverted mind masturbation is superior to the real thing.  Awww, don’t cry when I call you perverted . . . how about “misguided” for favoring solo sex over partnered sex?  That better, sweet pea?
  3. My pussy intimidates you.
  4. Truth be told, you want to be faithful to your hand.
  5. You are a loser.


  1. Your “singular” approach to sex is, well, entertaining.
  2. You are conclusive proof of the old adage, “Different strokes for different folks”,
  3. Let’s face it: you’re a jerk off!
  4. If you came inside me, you wouldn’t be able to slurp up your ENTIRE load.  (Next time you come–which I’m sure will be within the next 24 hours, max, I direct you to ejaculate into a bowl of Cheerios.  Let it marinate overnight.  When you wake up, add milk and eat it for breakfast.  Mmmmmm . . . sounds savory, doesn’t it, honey pie?)
  5. As a long-suffering masturbator, your fucking skills are, at best, rudimentary.  Good fucking requires proficiency.  In short, odds are, you’d be quite a disappointing fuck.


  1. Fucking is for those of us into adult sex.  It’s just not your thing.
  2. You are such an accomplished onanist–a maestro of masturbation– why would you want to waste a precious solo orgasm by fucking?
  3. You know that I would much rather do it with an accomplished fucker.  Master-beta male that you are, you gallantly step aside to allow a stud to drill me wide and deep, a deed which you are incapable of.
  4. It’s priceless to listen as you furiously jack off while breathlessly repeating, over and over and over again into oblivion “I’m a masturbator, I’m only a masturbator, I’m a happy masturbator, I’m a superstar masturbator, I’m a masturbation prodigy . . .”
  5. You, Master Whiz-Kid Wanker, have a small dick.


Oh, that last one is a repeat you say?  Well, maybe it is: I still won’t fuck you.  Stay tuned for part 2.  In the meantime, retreat to the corner and polish your knob . . . FACING THE CORNER, you good-for-nothing pud wacker!

4 comments to Sorry, You Aren’t Getting Any From Me, Part 1

  • Petey cream puff

    My 2018 is to get back into shape/lose weight so I can fit into my dresses/women’s clothes.. I know your married and sex was never a topic with you. The fact that you have dressed/turned and kept me as your cream puff girl is what I wanted and with you giving me lipstick kisses on my cheeks with Ms Olivia/Ms Brighton along with taking me shopping is great!!! I’ve accepted this as I am yours/ldws cream puff girl/lipstick lesbian sissy. Also being locked up in chastity all of you control my 2-3’ clity.

  • Alex

    Yes, so true. Reason 15 and 18 definitely apply to me. I’m regulated to polishing my knob while looking at pictures of the lovely Mistresses. All the while my wifes lover ravages her with his 10 inches of meat for her silo.

  • bent_wienerboy

    Numbers 13, 17, and 19, and especially number 7 describe me to a tee. (Yes, I am a male who’s sexual experience is 98% masturbation and 60 years old, but no I do not have a small penis, I actually have an 8″ penis)Excellent post!

  • Empress Rayne

    Oh Ms Delia! This list is so hilarious…and also very thorough. It really does give a litany of good reasons these wankers would never be allowed to touch a Mistress. If they still have any question in their little minds as to why after this list, surely it’s because all the blood has rushed from their head as they are stroking yet again.

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