To Punish or Not To Punish
It feels like June had been all about teaching about BDSM fun, and I have loved it. Today I want to talk about punishment…to punish or not to punish, that is the question.
I have recently had a couple of questions about whether or not certain things were “punishable” offenses.
Now I define punishable behavior as a deliberate or intentional breaking or skirting around predefined rules, especially rules the submissive has asked for.
Here are a couple of examples:
No Punishment
One submissive asked to be allowed to only call select Mistresses, even writing an email to Ms. Ally. After this was all confirmed and planned, said submissive cheated the rule he asked for by going through our Click to Call system to bypass dispatch.
One submissive who loves domination phone sex, begged for a chastity plan, bought his own device, and I set up a beginner’s plan for him. Finally he admitted after a month that he did NOT wear the device, but he lied about it, and the pictures he sent of himself locked up were ones he got from online.
Punishable Offenses? The first one, yes, but the second one is what I would call a joke. He never intended to follow any limits or boundaries. Not worth my time and effort to punish simply because that submissive was more into spewing out a fantasy than actually doing the work and finding the feeling of the reality of the fantasy! It really is his loss.
Non Punishable Offenses
I had a wonderful client tell me that since being denied and in chastity, he was waking with erections at night. I had to explain this is NORMAL for men, and that ALL men get erections at night as part of sleep. It is science, not misbehavior!
Another example is when life comes up. One submissive had lingerie shopping to do, but got rear-ended, and his car was totaled. He emailed me, explaining this, and said he needed time. That is perfectly FINE! Things happen in sometimes the strangest ways and at the worst times.
I am not the type of Mistress to Punish just because I feel like it. That is not what domination is! I need a REASON and also a punishment that fits the crime!
Avoiding Punishment
So what is the best way to not ever need a punishment? Don’t lie. If you ask Mistress for a special plan or program, FOLLOW it! If trouble comes up and you worry about not being able to do something, COMMUNICATE. More often than not, Mistress will understand.
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BRILLIANT post Ms Delia! Thank you for writing and posting this. The “punishable” offenses really are about passive aggress behavior, manipulation and lying. BLEH — those things are not sexy to anyone because it cuts off the trust and communication that is so important to any relationship….and especially with the communication needs of a kinky relationship.
Most of these examples remind me of my many past transgressions. Your utter indifference to my failure was punishment enough to make sure that I try my very best to do the last two suggestions in the above post. Instructions: Do my absolute best to follow and/or exceed them. Communicate: Make sure that we’re on the same page, as far as schedule before playtime.
A punishable offence is whatever Mistress says is a punishable offence
Interesting. A new subbie I’ve bonded with recently apologizes a lot for perceived missteps, and figuratively cringes in anticipation of a blow that I never intend to strike because of it. It makes Me think that there are a lot of subbies out there who’ve had some very capricious Mistresses in their lives. I suppose there are boys out there who enjoy the unpredictability of such a Mistress, and never knowing when She’ll take out some nebulous frustration on him as a whim, but I agree with you, Miss Delia, that doing so as a practice is a bit of a shame.