Punishment can be confusing in thing in the BDSM world. Often what one would think of as a punishment is more of a reward sensation or something desired. If a spanking slave were to be spanked, it would NOT be a punishment!
The True & Real Submissive
Kinky Punishments
This type is often meant to be fun, and generally takes place in a role play. These tend to be playful. Imagine yourself dressed as the naughty schoolgirl ready to receive My spanking paddle. This would not be for a real infraction, and would sexy, even sensual! Tone and attitude during a play punishment follow the scene that is negotiated. These kinky punishments are a lot of fun, and are great and perfectly suited for a role play with Mistress Delia!
Real Punishment
Maybe this could be called domestic discipline. The goal with this type of punishment is behavioral change for the submissive. Most submissives go through some sort of training, and there are consequences that go along with disappointing Mistress. This is not a role play, but rather is part of true power exchange.
My Punishment Rules
- Never punish when angry.
- Make sure the submissive is able to genuinely express what he has done wrong.
- The punishment must fit the indiscretion.
- Punish after educating the submissive about the behavior change that needs to be seen.
- Reconnect after a punishment, and have time for forgiveness.
So for the sub, confession comes first, then the anticipation of punishment, submissive presents himself for the punishment, punishment is administered, and then reconnecting happens. It is a process.
I would love to hear your thoughts on punishment. It is not a topic of my blog very often, but it is something I have thought of recently. Do leave blog comments.
I don’t have any real world experience in this, at least yet, but behavior modification is an area of interest of mine. I can see where punishment that is not perceived as playful or enjoyable by the sub would be a really effective tool to mold the sub into who you want him/her to become for you…. when the reality of it sets in and he/she realizes the punishment has gotten serious and is no longer just one of his/her fun fantasies. Very interesting post, Ms Delia, and I hope you will keep writing on this topic, as I wish to learn more.
jemmie
Jemmie –
Great comment!!I sure will write more. Playful punishment and serious punishment are different and separate. Take jack for example…a naughty spanking would get him hard. Being ignored and made to write an essay in order to correct his behavior is something completely different, and not at all playful!
Glad you learned something & I hope you enjoyed a peek behind the curtain 🙂
Thank you Ms Delia! There’s so much I want to learn about BDSM. I always come away from your posts with much more than I came in with. I’m grateful for any and all lessons that you’re kind enough to pass down. Yes, I really enjoyed the peek!
jemmie
Anytime, jemmie!!
Keep on reading and learning! 🙂
Ms. Delia
Oh I will, Ms Delia! Thank you again!
jemmie
Thank You Ms Delia for yet another thought provoking topic. The association of punishment with BDSM seems to be a bit of a stereotype caused by the inclusion of Discipline in BDSM. i know i cannot speak for anyone except myself when i share these thoughts, but i hope You and a few of Your other devoted fans might enjoy my perspective. Before i was able to experience the kink lifestyle, i always thought pain was only inflicted as punishment. Thank You for the wonderful education to enlighten me.
It seems to be an easy transition to leap from the concept of discipline to that of being disciplined. i remember shortly after we first met when You had me fill out a BDSM checklist and the way You chuckled at my response to “Punishment”…which was “but i try so hard to be good”.
i love Your analogy of role playing to incorporate sensation (pain) play into one of Your really hot sessions. i also loved Your explanation of the steps required if i were ever to incite Your ire to the point of requiring punishment (which You know i never hope to do).
The real thought inspired by Your post deals not so much with pain and punishment as it does with discipline. i believe self-discipline is essential in a committed BDSM relationship whether it be real life, virtual, or fantasy. i believe self-discipline is a tool i use to avoid requiring punishment from my Mistress. Even though i am using my will power to control my desires as a chastity slave, it is truly an effort to empower Mistress by yielding to her commands for adhering to a set schedule, or having to contact Her to request permission for an exception in the rare case my stresses become to great, knowing i will abide by Her decision,ya or nay.
i also know during a session, my reactions to instructions are as fast as they can be processed by my sub-space clouded brain…following them to the best of my ability is not for fear of punishment, it is to enable Mistress to gain altitude in Her Domme’ space by my yielding all control to Her and willingness to perform any lewd and lascivious acts, simply for Her amusement.
You also know from experience, physical pain for me, as You mentioned for any pain slut, might not be an effective deterrent to correct improper behavior, yet You and i have spoken about ways to really inflict pain on a subbie like me, with separation and inattention.
Thank You for allowing me to express my opinion on why punishment is always associated with thoughts of BDSM and to share a bit of my unique perspective on such a broad ranging subject.
Thank you for this well thought out opinion, kneel!
I knew you would find this topic interesting. I know for you separation, ignoring, and inattention are tough punishments, and I am so happy I have never had a need to use any of them! 🙂 Keep being awesome!
Ms. Delia