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A BDSM Breakup

From time to time things happen in a BDSM relationship where one person, Dominant or submissive must end the relationship. Handled well this ending can bring wonderful closure and feelings of respect and value to each party. Handled poorly, one or the other could be damaged, even hurt. I want to show an example of a poor way so you know the difference.

How to Break up With a Submissive POORLY

Let’s be hypothetical and say Mistress and sub have been involved regularly online, taking a break when one or the other had an illness, work conflicts, etc, about once a week for over 2 years. Regular protocols were established. Sub had a contract and a collar, and had turned over sexuality to be controlled totally. Toys and other items were purchased by the submissive. Scenes were intense.

Imagine getting this email with no more explanation…

Because of an issue, I do not think I will be able to continue with you further. I am incredibly sorry to have to do this, but I feel it is necessary. You have done nothing wrong, but the time has come when this no longer is viable for me. I am sad that this has ended. It’s ended. None of the end is your fault, but any further contact other than non-sexual emails will end up disrupting my home life. Therefore I must release you from service. Please be well in all things. You are a good soul.

Fuck that, right? Bad, right? I think anyone reading this blog could see how a submissive could be hurt, no…devastated by this. Something like this could fracture a person severely. This is a BAD BDSM Breakup!

Breaking off a BDSM Relationship Well

If you can meet, do so. Explain why things must end, especially if there is a contract that states this type of thing. If a meeting is not practical, take time to talk, and answer questions. Even a Domme needs feedback. A submissive really does need some hand-holding. No matter what, make sure to end things carefully. A BDSM relationship, even one online, that has gone on for years is something incredibly valued, special, and important.

No matter what, HONOR those years of loyalty, and leave both information and answers to any questions like the following:

So I can masturbate freely now?

Ok, so no more errands plugged and clamped?

Do I need to throw away my collar?

What should I do with the symbolic blanket?

I feel blindsided and hurt can you talk me through it?

See what I mean? Honoring a person’s service means you take the time to go over any questions so no damage is done.

A Personal Note about a BDSM Breakup

You may have guessed that this is a little more than informational. It is. A friend of mine in the fetish community was broken up this way and is absolutely devastated and crushed.

I am writing this because I know the dominant (no caps as this person in my mind is not anyone I would EVER call a dominant) reads my blog from time to time. I am disgusted, and invite this person to feel free to email me or comment. Not much angers Ms. Delia but hurting a friend of mine. Boom.