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Hello, Mistress Delia here, which means its time to lube up and jerk off.

Sweety, I want you to wank a Champ!!

C’mon, touch y-o-u-r-s-e-l-f.
Play with y-o-u-r-s-e-l-f.
Fuck y-o-u-r-s-e-l-f.

Got the theme, honey pot? You . . . yourself . . . we can see that you are just so passionate about . . . . y-o-u-r-s-e-l-f
It’s um, well . . . a guilty pleasure for me to watch: you look so cute, so enthralled, so immersed, so into it! You are just so good at self-delivery. Yes, that’s it: self-delivery. Ya know, delivery to YOURSELF by YOURSELF. You have sex alone, on your own, by your lonesome. You are with . . . one-self . . . with thy-self. Perfect, right? Awwww, don’t cry because you’re companion-less: after all, you’re such a skilled masturbator! Look at all the fun your having despite being . . . um . . . well . . . unaccompanied, or actually, accompanied only by your hand. What? You’re humping the mattress, butt in the air, rocking the bed frame and making such a racket!! Can anyone hear you? And that hand of yours must be so jealous. Hey, you like to commune with your mattress, with your sheets, and maybe even with a pillow now and then. Naughty boy!

Was that the doorbell? Well, I did invite a few of my friends over. Show us–all of us–your auto-eroticism, your self-stimulation, your self-contamination. You love it; you love humiliating yourself in front of us.

Abase yourself for the amusement of my girlfriends . . . There are even a few couples looking on. Your ardent masturbation might just convince them to get it on. Wouldn’t you like that? To play with yourself right in the midst of several couples making love?

You’d want them to taunt you, to tease you. C’mon, dreamboat. Abuse yourself: perform self-abuse for all of us as we look on or fuck our lovers. Show us how you enjoy your self-pollution. Enjoy your violation, your defilement, your corruption, your self-gratification, your dishonor. And here’s a new word for that “hobby” of yours: self-cultivation. After all, it’s a labor of love: self-love; ha, ha, ha.

Awwww, I know, I know, I know doll-face: I shouldn’t make fun and tease you! Masturbation is serious business for you. After all, it’s your sex life because partnered sex is so much work! Who needs it? Certainly not you!

That why I want you so fucking out of your skull that you are practically ripping the head off of it!!!! Your hand was made for masturbation. Use it as often as you can, masturbator.

Baby-cakes, are you masturbating YET AGAIN? Goodness, don’t you ever stop? Don’t you want to try something a bit more redeeming, a bit more constructive, a bit more normal? You repeatedly engage in this destructive, corrupt behavior. You are a jerk off addict. Admit it, you are a hard-core, entrenched, life-long, permanent, persistent “artiste [pronounced ar-TEE-st] of the solitary.” You are incurable!

Now don’t de-glove your penis there cowboy! Considering how often you are at it . . . it’s a wonder that you don’t rub off that delicate skin on your thang!

Did I hurt your feelings, sweet cheeks? Oh, sorry. Don’t fret: your masturbatory technique is so fine! You’ve had many, many years to hone that technique. And I’m sure you have many, many more years of pleasure . . . jerk off pleasure, that is.