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I Told Him A Photo Shoot Was A Bad Idea

Getting a formal photo taken can be a bit stressful. After all, most of us have doubts about whether we look good enough. Doing so in the buff, of course, raises the stakes: it’s a pretty vulnerable and intimidating position to be in. Especially if it’s a big production, where the photographer has a staff scurrying around in the background.

He was bound and determined to do it. It was a mix of jealousy, the chance to revel as the center of attention, and determination to let the world know his secret. Jealousy? Yes: why should only females be the ones who get to pose in the nude. In this repressed society of ours, the penis shows up probably only in porn. And wasn’t that a big part of his problem? The typical porn penis is, well, atypical in terms of size and girth, wouldn’t you say? Center of attention: yes, this is something our model is interested in. His secret? Well, let’s just say it’s a “little” one . . . and I don’t mean his “secret.”

Actually, I arrived at his photo shoot just too late to stop Kevin from his madness and 15 minutes of fame that could last forever on the Internet. But, he told me all about it. Here’s how it went down.

He’d been itching to strut his, um, stuff, in front of a photographer, specifically a female photographer, for some time. I referred him to a studio that I used years ago, thinking he was all talk and no action. And, of course, I gleefully told him that because of his “measurements” were a, shall we say, shy, he would be smart to be camera shy. But like the moth drawn to the dangerous flame, our hero pursued his destiny. When he showed up at his appointment, there were a half dozen welcoming women. They loved photographing men and were always on the lookout for, you know, impressive, strong, potent men . . . Oh were they in for a surprise.

He confessed his doubts to the girls, who were used to men having second thoughts. They artfully stripped away his bashfulness . . . And his clothes. They turned on sexy music, flashed the flesh, turned on the heat (they literally turned up the thermostat!), caressed him on his shoulders, his thighs, and his nipples, and whispered oh so flattering sweet nothings breathlessly into his ear, complimenting him left and right, up and down, about his so nicely cut physique. Then they began removing his clothes. Do you think he was any match for them? In a flash, he was parading around in his jockeys and striking poses. I only wish I had been there before he signed that legal release!

Now it was time to break out the makeup brush, the reflectors, and of course, the zoom lens. The place turned even hotter when they turned on the industrial-sized lamps. The production assistant and her helpers were buzzing with excitement as the moment of truth arrived. Our sitter, however, was just plain buzzed with all the excitement, and feline attention. That’s when the girls cooed for him to “show us the goods” and “c’mon, take out that bat!”