Recently I have had many people asking about what a good dominant is, does, and what qualities she should have. Last week I discussed 5 Qualities of a good submissive, and this week I was inspired by client questions as well as a Tumblr post by Ms. Olivia commented on by AliceWonder.
I believe there are 5 necessary qualities that a Domme should have. Now, of course there are always more qualities that are unique and personal to your kink needs, but I do believe these are the basics all should have.
Qualities of a GREAT Mistress
1. Be Patient.
A Good Domme should help her sub to have patience, and should have patience with her submissive. In honesty the Domme and sub need time to develop the relationship and see where it goes. Before a woman becomes your Domme, she should get to know you. As an example, I have a very special submissive whom I only collared after about 3 years. Patience is key to all BDSM dynamics!
2. Be responsible…
for You and your submissives. A Domme has the refponsibility to be in control and accountable. She must create play rules, responsiblities for the submissives along with protocols. Also, she must responsibly build trust with Her submissives, and must share realistic negotiated expectations for the scene or dynamic.
3. Be Consistent.
With protocols, charts and checklists make sure expectations are known, and DO follow through. With a naughty submissive who craves structure if consequences and rewards are not followed through, it can leave the submissive feeling neglected, and that can lead to bratty or outright naughty behavior. Enforce the rules consistently
4. Be SSC and Discreet.
Everyone in BDSM should feel comfortable to explore their fetishes with our being bullied, made uncomfortable, or at the very worst being outed. The Best Dommes always play safely, and are discreet, not sharing your details or private triggers unless you give consent. Safe, Sane, and Consensual is very important in BDSM!
5. Be Trustworthy and Honest Personally, and With Communication.
In kink, you have to talk a lot! A Domme needs to be able to clearly articulate wants, needs, expectations, and more. A Domme must be able to resolve conflict and discuss consequences for misbehavior in a clear and concise manner.
When seeking a Domme for scenes and perhaps a relationship, do keep these qualities in mind. If a potential Domme does not have them, it might be best for you to walk away!
Great post! I need to find mistress and be consistent. I just have to find day/time and length of call as well as trying to budget weekly calls. I would love to find women who like my cross dressing fetish and have made friends with 2-3 but I don’t want to ruin friendship with them as I’m afraid what their reaction will be.It’s so busy with summer there’s always something going on. I believe you have to call weekly or bi weekly to make relationship work. As much as I love the nice weather I’m kinda liking the cold winter as I think that where the best calls are. I’ve been screwed over to many times going out with guys from gym in trying to find women and it’s result I quit the gym to life at home and turn the page on that. I want to start calling weekly as I just need to get finances straightened out it am take all summer but I’m fine with that and can start calling in fall.
As always Ms. Delia a wonderfully thought out and insightful post. Anyone who is lucky enough to be one of your submissives knows that you have all of the above….and so much more.
Thanks, Ms. Layla!!
I have to say you certainly have all of these qualities too!
🙂 Ms. Delia
peter, I suggest you email & make a summer plan 🙂 I know I do those, and so many others would too. Just reach out.
🙂 Ms. Delia